Door Industry Journal - Spring 2012

Also online at: www.doorindustryjournal.co.uk 62 THE door industry journal spring 2012 take a break Disclaimer - The Door Industry Journal includes advertising, press releases, editorials, and other materials and information submitted by third parties, and gathered by the DHF (Door & Hardware Federation), its publisher, and its agents, and from contributors. This information is passed along to the DHF for the interest of its members and readers only. With regard to products, services and information mentioned, advertised, or printed, the DHF, its publisher, and its agents, do not investigate the merit, accuracy, or value of the material or information, and make no representations, warranties, or endorsements of any kind, and hereby disclaim any responsibility to parties using such products, services, or information. Readers’ activities are at their own risk. With regard to editorials, letters to the editor, columns, and any other opinions expressed herein, the DHF, its publisher, and its agents, do not ratify, adopt, endorse, or verify such opinions, and hereby state that any opinions, express or implied, are solely those of the speaker. No information is to be regarded as legal advice and reliance thereon and accuracy of statements is hereby disclaimed. With regard to information contained herein generally, the DHF, its publisher, and its agents, do not guarantee, represent, or verify the accuracy of any information. the DHF, its publisher, and its agents, endeavour to provide accurate information, but cannot guarantee accuracy and hereby disclaim liability for any reliance on the information contained herein. The DHF, its publisher, and its agents, make no representations, warranties, or endorsements of any kind of the information, opinions, and advertisements contained herein, do not assert the accuracy of any statements, and all reliance thereon is hereby disclaimed. Design and Artwork by: Freelance Design & Graphics - 01444 461796 - www.freelance-design.co.uk Printing by: Evonprint - www.evonprint.co.uk Mailing and distribution by: Promotional Mailing Services Ltd - www.pmsg.co.uk STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM I would have given him 100% Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? His last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? At the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? Liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? Marriage Q5. What is the main reason for failure? Exams Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? Lunch & dinner Q7. What looks like half an apple? The other half Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become? Wet Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping? No problem, he sleeps at night. Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? You will never find an elephant that has only one hand. Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? Very large hands Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? No time at all, the wall is already built. A F EW FUNNIES AND ONE LINERS... Local Police hunting the 'knitting needle nutter' who has stabbed six people in the backside in the last 48 hours, believe the attacker could be following some kind of pattern. A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked. Just got back from m y mate's funeral. He died after being hit on the head with a tennis ball. It was a lovely service. I told a friend, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador. "Really" he said "have you seen how many of their owners go blind" My girlfriend thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my girlfriend, yet. The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I have been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back. A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.... I was at a cash machine yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance, so I pushed her over. I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!! My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were £40!!! Blow this, I thought, I can get one cheaper off the web. Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs are not happy. Follow us on Twitter @DoorIndustryJnl PROMOTE YOUR BUSINESS WITH OUR HELP We would like to offer you some help with promoting your company, its products and services and at the same time help to raise the profile and awareness of the Door Industry Journal’s Blog. Whether you currently advertise with us or not, send us your articles, newsworthy items and images to take advantage of this publicity opportunity. Visit our Blog to see the kind of publicity we provide: www.doorindustryjournal.blogspot.com Email your articles to: mail@doorindustryjournal.co.uk BLOGGING Facebook.com/DoorIndustryJournal